


Promised It All, But You Lied

by sirknightmordred



Series: Malec AU Works - Part One [36]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Past Sexual Assault, Religon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirknightmordred/pseuds/sirknightmordred
Summary: As Raphael lies in a magical coma that can't be cured, Simon thinks back to pivotal moments in their relationship.{Part of my Malec AU ask blog.}





	Promised It All, But You Lied

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT. The past sexual assault is only mentioned, but can be skipped. There will be a warning before and after. It's only a couple of paragraphs, so please feel free to skip it if it makes you uncomfortable or could be harmful to you.  
> Part of a Malec AU ask blog. Where Valentine is dead and the war is over. More info in the blog. {https://askmagnusandalec.tumblr.com/}

 

_“I’m losing my mind, Magnus.” Raphael says as he sits down on his friend’s extremely fluffy green chair. “No puedo pensar. No puedo hacer mi trabajo. Sólo pienso en Simon.”_

_“Raphael,” Magnus says gently, “You need a drink.”_

_Raphael sighs with exasperation as Magnus walks over to his small bar of drinks and makes up one for Raphael. It’s mostly blood, but it’s sweet and good. So when Magnus hands it to him he takes it and drinks half of it in one go. Magnus watches with raised eyebrows as he makes his own drink. Once his cocktail is done he takes a seat across from Raphael on the dark blue silk couch. He stirs it with his pink finger and takes a sip. His full attention is then on Raphael._

_“Alright, now that I have my drink, tell me what happened, my boy?” Magnus says calmly._

_Raphael shakes his head and takes a large breathe. Then it all comes pouring out. “Está en todas partes. Está en mi oficina. Está en mi habitación. No puedo ignorar sus pesadillas. Su dolor, Siento su dolor, Magnus y yo haríamos cualquier cosa para quitarlo. Mi corazón se siente gracioso. Lo único en lo que puedo pensar es en él. No puedo concentrarme en nada. Por favor, solo consígueme. Soy un líder de Clan. No puedo distraerme con su risa o su sonrisa. No me he sentido así desde hace mucho tiem-”_

_“I’ll stop you right there.” Magnus says, with his hand up. “I know I speak Spanish, but even I am not that good when you’re talking a mile a minute. Please, Raphael, English?”_

_Raphael sighs and looks down. Magnus senses that there’s something deep within him that he wants to express, so he waits. He drinks his cocktail and he waits until Raphael is ready. He waits. Finally after a third cocktail, Raphael looks up and says in pain, “I love Simon.”_

_“FINALLY!” Magnus says, throwing his hands up in the air. “It’s about time! My dear boy, I know you haven’t had the best track record with relationships or people but even a blind man could see how much you both love each other. So when did it happen? Did he kiss you? Did he slip out his feelings? How did it go?”_

_“It didn’t.” Raphael says forcefully._

_“It didn’t?”_

_“No.”_

_“But you just said-” Magnus says confused before Raphael interrupts him._

_“I said I love him. I said nothing about him loving me.”_

_“Oh, Raphael. Of course he does.”_

_“You can’t know that.” Raphael says._

_“Well, a little birdie might have told me something. A certain red head that happens to be best friends with Sherman. And the fact that every time you both are here I see love in his eyes. That may have tipped me off.”_

_Raphael looks down again, not really believing what he’s hearing._

_“Go tell him you like him. That you want a relationship. Perhaps wait a little while before you bring up the L word.” Magnus says, thoughtfully._

_Raphael puts down his glass and stands. “Thank you, Magnus.”_

_“Anytime.” Magnus says good-naturally. “Did you want to stay the night?”_

_“I have to get back to the Dumourt. Goodnight.”_

_Raphael leaves and Magnus sighs. He then picks up his phone and says to himself as he dials Simon’s number. “He’s not going to tell him, is he? I suppose, Solom will have to. And I foolishly thought my days as cupid were over.”_

_< >~<>~<>_

 Simon adjusts Raphael’s pillow slightly, moving his head into a more comfortable position when he’s finished. His lips form a grim smile as he his heart clutches in his chest at the sight of his even more than usual pale boyfriend lying in bed unconscious. Despite the danger that lurks overhead, Raphael looks so peaceful to Simon. His face is relaxed, no anger or pain. No smile either, nothing at all. It makes Simon reach out gently and push his hair back. He then moves his hand down to his cheek, touching gently.

“Raph…” Simon says as more bloody tears fill his eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have been there, not with Clary. I’m so sorry, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be like this. Lying in this bed, in a coma with no idea how to bring you back… You know I should have fought harder for you, I should have- I don’t know. I don’t know, I should have done something more. But Raph, baby, I’ll figure this out. We all are working to figure this out. That kiss on the balcony can’t be the last kiss. When I held you in my arms, that can’t be last time… I need you to hold on Raph. I need you to hold on just a little bit longer. We need our forever, as cheesy as that sounds, but you know what I mean. So hold on, okay? For me. Hold on.”

 Simon gives his cheek one last touch with the back of his hand before he pulls away and turns toward the window that’s covered heavily in dark blue curtains. Simon reaches out to them and pulls them back, letting in the light of the moon. The scene of the city in his eyes as he looks up to where the stars are, where the moon hangs brightly. Raphael always liked looking at the moon. For the longest time he wouldn’t tell Simon why, but finally when he did, he said it was because it reminded him of his mom. Simon can still remember that conversation like it was a week ago, instead of the actual time of a few months. Raphael was wearing the black and dark blue stain suit. Simon’s favourite thing to see him wearing, it was a beautiful night…

<>~<>~<>

_“Hey, Raph.” Simon says as he walks onto the balcony, his hands full of stuffed animals. “You should have come. I won so many teddy bears. Jace was totally jealous of my awesomeness skills. I bed I could have even impressed you. Although, Izzy was actually really good at the game. I think she’s been on a few mundane ‘dates’ but who knows, I certainly don’t. She’s so private, you know? Which is cool, it’s her business, I mean…”_

_“Mio Dios, Simon.” Raphael says, his back turned from Simon, his eyes up at the sky on the bright almost full moon. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”_

_“You’re staring at the sky.” Simon says confused. “But it’s cool, I’ll go since your busy and everything, you know, I’ll go talk to Carlos.”_

_Raphael growls at the name, making Simon jump back slightly as he curses and remembers that he shouldn’t be mentioning Carlos for a while. After all, he did see him naked, but it was by accident, but then again Raphael found out. He can get a little jealous so maybe its best if he forgets talking to Carlos for a while, Simon reasons with himself as he shuffles his arms and pulls out a brightly coloured pink teddy bear. He places it on the railing of the balcony._

_“Sorry, Raph, I didn’t mean- I forgot. But here, I got you a teddy bear. The others are for our bed- To make it homier. I wasn’t sure if I should get more pillows or blankets, but we don’t really need blankets-”_

_Simon stops himself from talking when Raphael picks up the teddy bear, holding it in his hands as he smiles that gentle smile. He then looks back over to the moon as Simon smiles in relief._

_“It’s perfect, mi amour.” Raphael states._

_It’s much more than a compliment, Simon knows as he takes a step forward and slips his hand in Raphael’s. It’s an invitation. He leans his head on Raphael’s shoulder and his arm comes around Simon’s waist. He holds on tightly as Simon moves his own arms around Raphael’s waist, hugging him. Bringing him as close as he can._

_“I missed you.” Simon says. “How are the meetings going?”_

_Raphael sighs. “My mom loved the moon. She was like the sun, but she loved the moon. We used to watch it for hours with my siblings. We’d drink hot cocoa if we had it, or tea and watch the stars, too. I felt like anything was possible then.”_

_Simon squeezes Raphael gently. “I- I think that’s great that you had that with her. It’s- It’s like with my dad. We used to bake bread together. My sister, too. It was our thing. It was great and everything, except when the flour would get everywhere and- Anyway, I think that’s really great, baby.”_

_Raphael stands silently, lost in his own head, again. After a few moments he says to Simon, “I love you.”_

_Simon smiles. “I love you, too.”_

_Raphael leans over and kisses him softly on the top of his head._

_< >~<>~<>_

 Simon smiles gently as he holds his arms tightly to his chest, the memory still soft and sweet in his mind. It’s almost like he can still feel his arms around Raphael. Raphael’s arms around himself. A phantom touch, a phantom hug is what it really is, but it somehow brings the tears to trickle gently down his cheeks. He tries to wipe them away, but when he pulls back he sees the blood that they are made of now and it makes him flinch.

“No. No. No.” Simon whispers as he tries to wipe the blood off. Memories of when he saw Raphael come through the doors of the Institute replaying in his mind. All of the blood, all of the injuries on Raphael. It was too much, it is too much.  “No. NO! Please, no… Raph… G- Raph.”

<>~<>~<>

_“There.” Simon says proudly as the TV is adjusted one more time on the wall. “Now we can all watch reruns of Doctor Who._

_Raphael gives him the ‘Never going to happen’ look and turns away._

_“Oh come on, Raph, you’ll love it. There’s time travel and space and killer robots. Come on, how could anyone not like killer robots? And there’s also romance and other planets. They even go to the moon and-” Simon stops himself as he realizes what he said. “Sorry, Raph, I didn’t mean, sorry… Hey, do you want to play checkers? I know you love playing that all of the time…”_

_Raphael growls softly in frustration and sits down on the couch._

_“What are you doing?” Simon asks, hesitantly. “Oh! You want to play checkers here? Okay, I’ll go get them, I think they’re in-”_

_Raphael cuts him off by pulling on his wrist, then in turn his body onto the couch beside him. “Put the show on.”_

_“Really?” Simon’s mouth breaks into an ear splitting grin, almost making Raphael smile as well. “Are you sure? Because we don’t have to if you really don’t want to. I know you don’t like ‘mundane’ shows from the 21 st century or well any decade that’s not the one you-”_

_“Idiota. Put it on before I change my mind.” Raphael says in exasperation._

_Simon jumps up and grabs the remote, putting the DVD in with haste. He sits back down next to Raphael and they start watching. And if after the third episode Simon falls asleep on Raphael’s shoulder, nobody needs to know how much Raphael enjoys and has been craving the close contact._

_< >~<>~<>_

_“Are these the forms from Seattle?” Raphael asks as Lily puts a handful of forms on his desk in front of him._

_“Yes, they are.” Lily says. “And you need to go be with your boyfriend.”_

_“My what?”_

_“Your boyfriend. He’s crying in his room and frankly it’s annoying the rest of us. He had the door open but then shut it and won’t let anyone else in the room.”_

_“What happened?” Raphael asks, his demeanour becoming aggressive._

_“Hey, I didn’t do this.” Lily says. “He must have had a nightmare again.”_

_“Again?”_

_Raphael starts walking out of the room, Lily fast by his side, his only priority on Simon who must be in considerable distress to wake the rest of the Clan, or some of them at least. It’s late in the day and everyone is sleeping except for a few people helping out with this new alliance. Raphael wanted to make sure everything was done by the book and nothing left behind as it is a vital partnership to keep their Clan strong._

_“He’s been having nightmares ever since you left a few days ago. Carlos told me.” Lily says almost offhandedly. “I don’t know why your boyfriend didn’t call you. Probably because of that fight you had.”_

_Raphael growls. “Why are you calling him my boyfriend?”_

_“Seriously? Come on, Raphael. You sleep together every night. Just because you have a sound proofed room doesn’t mean we don’t know what’s going in there.” Lily winks._

_“It’s not like that.” Raphael insists as they climb the stairs to the top floor._

_“Sure it isn’t.” Lily says sarcastically. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. No one cares. We’ve all known since day one. Besides Stan’s the one who started the bet to begin with so if you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at him, okay boss?”_

_They stop outside of Raphael and Simon’s room. Raphael turns to Lily and glares. Lily only laughs lightly in turn._

_“_ _拉斐_ _尔_ _，生活不会像你那_ _样_ _有趣_ _” She says with humour._

_Raphael continues to glare at her as she leaves, taking the stairs two at a time. “Dios mío, vivo con niños.” He says as he shakes his head and opens the door. All of his concern now on Simon._

_< >~<>~<>_

_“I want to kiss you.” Raphael says out of nowhere._

_Simon looks up, surprised, his hands clutch onto Raphael’s out of reflex. They’re both sitting on the couch in the living room, watching an old black and white movie. It’s about some kind of romance, a movie Simon never thought that Raphael would enjoy, but apparently he’s seen it before. Apparently when Raphael was still human, he would sneak in with his younger brothers and sister to the movie theatre. They’d all curl up in one corner or another and watch a ‘picture’ as Raphael called it, together. He was smiling when he told Simon about that, but he is was also so very sorrowful. Simon couldn’t take that look anymore, so he reached out and took Raphael’s hands in his owns. It seemed to have worked, maybe a little too well._

_“Kiss me?” Simon says surprised and speechless. “I- I- Uh, you don’t have to. It’s okay Raphael, I get that you don’t like kissing, I mean it’s totally fine, I would like to kiss you but you don’t need to feel obligated. It’s seriously fine. I mean…”_

_Before Simon can finish, Raphael leans forward, bringing their lips together. Raphael’s lips are chapped and rough, but he moves them gently against his own. It’s short and sweet, but it sends shivers up Simon’s spine. He wants to keep kissing him, forever and ever, or maybe just a short make out session, but he also knows Raphael’s boundaries, so he pulls back._

_Raphael’s hands aren’t holding his anymore. One hand is on his arm, the other along where his jaw and neck meet. He’s doing that thing again where he’s so happy he doesn’t know how to express it. His eyes are shining, and as soon as Simon smiles, so does he. Simon laughs nervously as he ducks his head down slightly, unsure how to proceed. What to say or do._

_“Uh…” Simon says, still at a loss after a few minutes._

_“Mi, sol…” Raphael says tenderly as he pushes Simon’s hair back gently, running his fingers through it. “Me gusta que te beses.”_

_“I don’t know what you said, but it sounds good?”_

_Raphael’s smile grows bigger as he stares lovingly into his partner’s eyes._

_“But, I mean, what about- Boundaries, I thought that you-”_

_“You said I could kiss you if ever wanted to. Did you not…” Raphael says, concerned now, his eyebrows scrunching together._

_“No! No, Raph. That was amazing- that was wonderful. I- I meant what I said. I just- I don’t want you kissing me because you feel like you have to. Or you owe me something. Which is ridiculous, because obviously you don’t feel that way, but I-”_

_“I don’t.” Raphael says, cutting off his fumbling. “No, I wasn’t sure. It’s been so long since I’ve been close to anyone, I wasn’t sure.”_

_“But you liked it?” Simon asks. “You liked kissing me?”_

_Raphael nods his head. “But- Can we take it slow? I don’t know if I can-”_

_“Hey. It’s my turn to cut you off, because you’re not broken, Raphael. You’re not. We can take it as slow as you want to. We’ve got the time! We have centuries or decades or whatever- We have time. And if you decide you never want to kiss me again, that’s fine. More than fine, it just leaves more time for cuddling. Or playing your old man checkers.”_

_Raphael glares at him._

_“Okay, so maybe not old man checkers, but you know what I mean, right?” Simon tries, with an apologetic smile._

_Raphael continues to glare._

_“Come on, you know I love you.”_

_The glare is wiped off of his face, replaced with a genuine smile. “I love you, too, mi amour.”_

_“What no, I…” Simon says, trying to take back what he said, but upon seeing how happy it’s made Raphael he smiles to._

_Simon reaches out and takes Raphael’s hand. He entwines their fingers together, both of them with love struck grins on their faces. Hearts full of love and a hint of apprehension. It’s something new, for both of them, but it feels right._

_“My mom would have loved you.” Raphael says suddenly._

_Simon’s eyes widen, his mouth opens in surprise before he pulls Raphael into a tight embrace. They stay that way for some time._

_< >~<>~<>_

_“Come on, Raph. It’s a dog! You’ll love him. He’s furry and has grey eyes. You’ll love him. No one here is going to eat him. It’s a puppy, nobody hurts puppies.” Simon says enthusiastically as he follows Raphael to his office._

_“Dios mio. We’re not getting a dog.” Raphael grumbles as he sits in his chair._

_“Please Raph! I’ll- I’ll do your laundry for a month.”_

_“You would turn everything pink.”_

_“Aw, come on, Raph that was one time.” Simon admits. “I was tired, it won’t happen again. I promise! Please, can we get a dog? If we do I’ll love you forever.”_

_Raphael stops moving and looks up at Simon abruptly. “Forever?”_

_“It’s just an expression, but yeah, of course. How could I not love you forever? So, can we get a dog? Please. I’ll take care of him, you don’t have to do anything.”_

_“Fine. But it’s not sleeping in out bed.”_

_“Done.” Simon agrees, a heart stopping smile on his face making butterflies fly in Raphael’s chest. “I’ll go tell Clary she can pick him up. You won’t regret this!”_

_Simon runs out the door, yelling out the last part over his shoulder. Raphael watches his retreating form and smiles fondly. “¿Qué voy a hacer con él? Mi amor...”_

_< >~<>~<>_

 Simon sits against the wall, his head resting against the low window pane. The tears are gone. The blood has dried away and he is silent. He feels grief, pain, and sadness. He feels a loss that he shouldn’t be feeling yet because Raphael is right in front of him. But he’s not there, not really. No matter how much he tries to convince himself that maybe Raphael is there, his spirit or soul or whatever is still around, he still feels a loss. A piece of him is missing, the piece that belonged to Raphael and it’s such a big piece. He knows the only way he’ll get it back is if Raphael wakes. If he comes back to him.

 Simon turns his eyes on his unconscious lover and smiles brokenly as he feels hat phantom touch once again. Like fingers brushing up against his own, a phantom kiss on his cheek. Phantom arms encasing him in a love so strong it feels like a large wave is encasing him. Not in a suffocating way, no, no it’s more like a huge fluffy blanket now that he thinks about it more. Raphael was- is a huge fluffy blanket. Simon knows what people think of him, cold and distant. Grumpy and angry, but he saw a side of him that no one really knows. He saw the real Raphael Santiago. The immortal vampire that’s filled with unimaginable pain that holds his emotions encased in a hard shell of protection. The man likes puppies and kittens even when he says he doesn’t. The Raphael Santiago who loves to cuddle him more than anything. He knew the real Raphael, the one who sung him old church hymns when he was scared and having nightmares. He knew- He knows the real Raphael Santiago. He knows.

<>~<>~<>

_Simon’s face is pressed into Raphael’s neck. His hands are clutching Raphael’s shirt as Raphael’s arm holds him close. The one places with the soft wisps of his hair. Every so often Raphael will leave a small kiss on the crown of his head, or his cheek, or his neck. The kisses are full of love and security. It makes Simon feel safe being here like this. It feels like the nightmares will never touch him again. Usually Simon likes to hold Raphael like this, but on the nights where his own nightmares are particularly bad, Raphael holds him._

_“Shh… Mi, sol. Shh…” Raphael whispers. “Te tengo, mi amor.”_

_Simon whimpers slightly and Raphael’s hold becomes stronger. They’re legs hook together, bringing them impossibly closer. Simon takes the opportunity to shift his face into Raphael’s chest. Burying himself in Raphael’s scent. If Simon had to put words to the comforting scent, he would say a dash of cologne and black licorice. He’s always loved black licorice._

_Raphael kisses him gently on the top of his head, his hand going to his back where he rubs slow circles and patterns into his skin. They don’t feel temperature, not anymore, but he can still feel Simon. He can feel the vibrations of his quiet whimpers every few minutes. He can feel his emotions from within, making their way to the surface. He can feel the sadness and desperation. He can feel it all._

_“Te quiero, Simon. Shh...” Raphael rests his forhead on Simon’s head as he speaks his words of love and hope. “Vamos a superar esto. Obtendrás esto. Eres tan fuerte, mi cielo.”_

_Simon begins to cry, and Raphael’s heart falls through his stomach at the sound._

_“Shh… Por favor no llores, Simon.”_

_< >~<>~<>_

 Simon’s hand hovers over the call button, the name ‘mom’ is as clear as day on his phone. He knows it’s silly, but after everything that’s happened- that is happening. He just wants his mom. He wants his mom to hold him close and pet his hair. To tell him everything’s going to be okay, that’s she’s here. He wants her to be here. To take care of Raphael for him, to take care of everything for him like she used to do. To feed him, to tell him to take a shower. He wants her here to make everything better. He needs his mom. His mom, before his dad passed. He wants the mom that was good, that didn’t slur words and forget to pick up the groceries. He wants the mom when he was six years old who bandaged his knee and let him sleep in her bed when he had nightmares. Not the mom who caused them. He wants the good mom, before things got bad. Before his dad died. He wants that mom back. Before he had to worry. He doesn’t want to worry anymore. He wants his mom back.

 He hovers his finger for the call button for a few more minutes before pressing the call button. It dials for a few seconds before she picks up. “Simon!? Simon!? Simon, is that you? Simon, please, where are you? I’ve been so worried. I- I miss you so much, honey. Please, talk to me. Please, come home.”

 Simon has never pressed the end call button so fast.

<>~<>~<>

_“Maybe it’s for the best. I mean, you are right. One day they’ll be gone and I’ll be the only one left. So maybe it- it is good that I don’t talk to them. They’ll be better off not knowing, right?” Simon rambles as he looks to Raphael who seems upset. “Right?”_

_Raphael nods his head. “It’s more painful to watch them age and die. It goes faster than you think.”_

_“Okay. Okay, than it’s settled. I won’t contact them again. I- I won’t speak to my mom or my sister. They’ll be fine. I- I mean, I’ll get Clary to check on them, to make sure my mom doesn’t go off again. But other than that everything should be fine. Totally, one hundred percent fine.”_

_“Simon.” Raphael says softly._

_“What?” Simon looks, up wondering._

_“What do you mean, ‘go off’?”_

_“Oh, you noticed that, huh? It’s nothing, Raph. Nothing really. It’s just that when my dad died she started drinking a lot to you know- cope. I- I didn’t understand really about things like that I was nine, then ten. I didn’t understand. I- I didn’t understand. But now, of course, I get it. It’s still- She’s my mom. I have to look after her, even if I’m not really there. And Becca doesn’t deserve to deal with that alone if it happens again, you know?”_

_“What happened?” Raphael asks gently, concern edged into the crease of his eyes._

_Simon looks down, then up. “I never worried about anything. That’s what you do when you’re a kid, you don’t worry- About anything. Your mom takes care of you, she holds you when you have nightmares and feeds you and bathes you. My mom did all of that- she- she was so great. The best mom in the world… But when my dad died she- she forgot things, you know? I didn’t understand. But suddenly there was no food in the fridge. Which was fine because you know, schools give free lunches. But then Becca’s shoes got a hole in them and when I tried to tell my mom she- she talked funny and said to leave her alone. She yelled and through a bottle at me. But she didn’t hit me. She didn’t mean to, is what I’m trying to say. It wasn’t her fault, I shouldn’t have tried to wake her…”_

_“Simon…”_

_“No, wait- I’m not done.” Simon says. “Anyway, where was I? Oh, right the bottle throwing. Well after that I gave Becca my shoes and wore my mom’s old ones that were way too big on me… Then one day she was sleeping and I knew I shouldn’t wake her, after the whole shoe incident I never woke her, even when I burned myself trying to cook food I stole from the cafeteria. Anyway, I had to wake her because Becca fell off of the bed and was bleeding. She was awake and seemed okay, but it was a lot of blood. So I had to wake her. But she wouldn’t wake up and I was confused. I tried so hard to wake her, you know? But I couldn’t. Then I remembered 9-1-1. So I ran to the phone, but when I tried to dial the number there was nothing. I guess she forgot about the phones, too. I stopped the bleeding myself and Becca was fine… A few days later social services showed up, they found out I stole the food. That’s when my mom snapped out of it. Whatever it was. She stopped drinking a bottle a day. It came to a bottle a week, but she was better. No more throwing bottles and the phone’s started working. There was food in the fridge and she got a new job. She slowly stopped drinking so much… I think, I don’t know. I had to become an adult. I- You can’t really go back to being a kid after you become an adult. You- you just can’t. I’ve tried to- maybe that’s why I love sci-fi and fantasy, anything’s possible there, you know? Anyway, she’s my mom, but not really. Do you know what that’s like? Do you know what I mean?”_

_Raphael swallows back a lump in his throat and reaches across the bed, wrapping his hand around Simon’s who holds on tightly. Raphael then nods his head and with a weary smile says, “Yeah, I do.”_

_< >~<>~<>_

 His phone sits next to him. It’s turned off and blissfully silent at last. Simon’s head leans back on the wall. He stares up at the yellow ceiling as he cuts the memories of his mother short. He doesn’t need to think about that now, he needs to focus on Raphael now. He can’t deal with every problem and issue at the same time. He needs to save his energy for Raphael. He will find a way to help him. Just like he always has. They’ll work it out and figure it through, just like they did when they first became something more than companions or friends or whatever they were before this.

<>~<>~<>

_“I know you like me, Raphael, I know you do because you smile that smile when I’m around. You never do that for anyone else. And you’re eyes get this look- Or so that’s what Jocelyn tells me. And I believe him because I know you feel something like I do. I know you feel something for me, so why can’t you just admit it? Why can’t you let yourself be happy? We- you don’t have to be alone. You have me. You have me, Raph.” Simon says desperately._

_Raphael’s back tenses as his eyes droop down, a pained look makes its way across his face. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Simon who feels a flood of dread fill his veins. What could be so awful that he would sacrifice his happiness?_

_“I- I can’t like men.” Raphael says through gritted teeth. “I can’t.”_

_“Why not?” Simon says, confused and frustrated, “I mean, I know that some people today are still very traditional or whatever. But there’s so many that do accept people like us-”_

_“People like you. Not ‘us.’ I’m not like you.” Raphael persists._

_“But you are.” Simon says. “Not exactly like me, I know, but you’re different. We’re both different. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be different. It’s really okay, I promise. Look at Magnus, he’s with Alec. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”_

_“Magnus doesn’t believe in God.” Raphael says._

_Simon steps back, it’s like he’s been slapped in the face. “And you think I don’t? I’m- I’m Jewish! I believe in a God, too.”_

_“Catholics aren’t so free willed. I was raised to be a good Catholic. To follow the church. To follow God’s law.”_

_“Raph…” Simon says, clearly upset. “God made you who you are. He made you like this.”_

_“No! No, I…” Raphael tries._

_“Okay. Okay. If- Okay, if your mom were here, what would she say?”_

_Raphael looks down and says so quietly that if Simon didn’t have vampire hearing he would have never known that he spoke at all, “She would tell me to go be happy. That God loves me no matter what.”_

_Simon smiles, walking over and taking Raphael’s hand in his own. “God is all about love, right?”_

_Raphael looks into Simon’s eyes, waiting and hoping for him to have the answers he needs._

_“So how can this be wrong?”_

_Raphael can’t come up with an answer._

_< >~<>~<>_

_“I- I can’t.” Raphael says with regret clear in his features. “It’s not about sex. I don’t- I don’t like sex.”_

_“You don’t?” Simon asks gently, a little concerned. “Always? Or was it just a recently type of thing. I only ask because this one time my cousin Alvin swore up and down that he was asexual but then he had this tumour right where-”_

_“Dios mío, Simon. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”_

_“Oh, I- Sorry.”_

_Simon looks down, Raphael doing the same as he sighs. “I’m sorry. I know this can’t work. I’m broken. I’ve always been broken. I don’t- I don’t make sense-”_

_“No, baby, no.” Simon says furiously, his hands cupping Raphael’s facing, forcing him to look at him. “You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with not liking sex or not wanting it.”_

_Raphael’s eyes are still downcast, not really listening or believing what he’s hearing._

_“Raph, look at me.” Simon says desperately. “Please.”_

_Finally, after a few more long moments of tense silent, Raphael looks up, his heart heavy with the mindset that this will never work. That he’ll never have a relationship. That he’ll never get to be with someone as amazing and wonderful and beautiful as Simon Lewis._

_“You are not broken, Raphael.” Simon says, his thumb gently caressing his cheek. “I like you for you. I want to hold your hand and cuddle you, because frankly you look like you need someone to wrap their arms around you for a few hours or days or weeks, and I- I want that to be me. I want to be by your side. I want to make you smile and warm up blood for you… Even though that’s extremely creepy now that I think about what I just said. But you know what I mean, don’t you? I like you for you. I want you as you are. Sex is just an added bonus. If- If you don’t like kissing either, that’s fine, more than fine. Whatever you’re comfortable with, okay? I like you, a lot, and I don’t want to mess this up, so you have to tell me when I go too far and I’ll stop. Okay? Just tell me and I’ll stop. Whatever or whenever, just tell me and its fine. Okay?”_

**[WARNING. Mentions of Sexual Assault.]**

_Raphael stares into Simon’s eyes as memories start to reply themselves in his mind. When he was nineteen, almost twenty. When he was walking home to his mom. The memory of those hands, gripping and grabbing. The laughter and snarls as his clothes left him somehow. The blood, the pain in his neck and arms. The distant feeling of blood draining from him, how it felt like his soul was being sucked out of his body. The memory of something being in him that shouldn’t be. The pain and humiliation. The embarrassment. All the memories he’s tried to suppress for so long, swirling in his head as he stares into those dark eyes. He remembers after it happened how he wished he could blame his lack of interest in sex on that night, but he’s never liked it. Never wanted it. Not ever._

_“Raph?” Simon asks from somewhere far away._

_He remembers those claws. The memory of him screaming, of the hoarseness in his throat. He remembers something big and fleshy in his mouth. He remembers it all. He called for his mom. He remembers that, too. He remembers. He remembers. He remembers. ‘Stop, please, stop.’ They didn’t, but maybe Simon Lewis would. Maybe he would- Maybe he could understand. Maybe he would stop. Maybe…_

**[WARNING. End of mentions of Sexual assault.]**

_“You’re really starting to freak me out, Raph.” Simon says, concern overflowing from his every pour. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry if- if I said something wrong. I just- I…”_

_Raphael gently and very slowly reaches out his hand and places it over the one on his cheek. His eyes come back to focus, blinking a few times as they stay focused on Simon’s. He goes to say something, but what comes out is a sob. Before either of them can realizing what’s going on, Simon has his arms full of a crying Raphael. It’s not normal crying. It’s hard and ugly, and filled with so much pain that Simon fears himself to start crying. To start crying for him._

_Simon’s hands come up and rest on Raphael’s back, one moves to his hair, petting gently as he tries to talk to him in a calming voice. Telling him it’s going to be alright. Telling him that he’s not broken, that he’s sorry. Simon rubs his back, and Raphael grips onto him like he’s a life preserver… Because maybe he is… Raphael doesn’t know, not really, all he knows is that in Simon’s eyes, he’s not broken._

_< >~<>~<>_

_“I know we’re vampires and the sun will virtually kill us, but I- I think we should go to a pride event.” Simon says as he plays with the hem of his shirt. “What I mean is- You’ve been struggling with everything. With your sexuality and God and religion- And I get it. I- I totally get it, Raph, but meeting people like you will- can help.”_

_“Simon. I don’t understand.” Raphael says confused. “What’s pride?”_

_Simon stops rambling and looks up at his partner. “You don’t…? Of course you don’t you were born before pride, before we were visible. It’s okay, it’s where people who are asexual and gay and who are pan, like me, and everyone who is different. We all come together and meet. It’s good, Raph. It feels really good to be surrounded by people like yourself- You know, different. It’s actually, it’s the best feeling in the world. Other than having you in my arms of course, or your arms around me-”_

_“Okay.” Raphael interrupts. “We can go.”_

_Simon’s mouth breaks into an impossible grin. “Okay. Okay, great, this- this is perfect. I’ll call Magnus and get Alec on board. Then we can get Clary and Izzy, too, of course. They’ll want to come. They always said that they’d want to go to something like this soon. And it will be great. We’ll-”_

_“No. Just us.”_

_Simon looks up, meeting Raphael’s eyes. He’s his desperation and uncertainty and immediately nods his head, agreeing instantaneously. “Sure, of course. No problem. Just me and you. We’ll go. There’s a meeting at a bar on Saturday. Just you and I will go. It’s only a few people so it’s not overwhelming or anything. I made sure to check. We’re all set. But, Raph, if you change your mind, that’s okay. It’s totally fine.”_

_Raphael nods his head. “Okay.”_

_“Okay.”_

_< >~<>~<>_

  As Simon stares at his partner laying there, he remembers all of the promises he made to him. To never leave him, to protect him, and to be there for him forever. Promising forever is a big thing for an immortal, Simon has come to know forever is forever. If you’re human or mundane, you have until you die. A good eighty years if you’re lucky. But when you immortal, you have forever, as long as you don’t get yourself into trouble that will get you killed. You have forever. So when Raphael promised him that, Simon pretended to be asleep. He remember that raining night like it was yesterday. He didn’t say anything, he just pretend to fall asleep.

 Simon runs his hands down his face as he looks at the unmoving body of Raphael. He should have said it. He should have said anything. He wanted that forever. They deserve that forever, don’t they? Simon’s never loved anyone the way he loves this man. The fierce loyalty that burns in his bones, the crushing of his heart when Raphael is in pain, the helplessness he feels when he can’t help him. How connected he feels to him, how sometimes it’s like they so in sync they share a soul. He’s never felt this way with anyone, not even Clary where he foolishly felt those feelings were some deep dark burning passion of love. It’s silly, because what he feels for Raphael goes way deeper than that, way beyond those bounds. He feels everything when they’re together… When he’s conscious that is. When he’s really here.

<>~<>~<>

_The rain patters gently on the roof of the hotel. It splatters across the heavily draped and boarded up windows. They’re room is on the top floor which is why they hear everything so clearly. Simon loves this room. On nice nights where the stars and moon are out, he’ll sneak up to the roof or go out on the balcony. Sometimes he goes with Raphael, and sometimes Raphael needs to be alone with the night. Simon understand that, he understand needing to be alone sometimes. Or no, he doesn’t really get it, he always needs to be around people, but he knows that it’s what Raphael needs. So he can do that. He can give him space and time alone. He can do that for Raphael._

_Right now he has his arms wrapped around Raphael’s middle, spooning him from behind. Raphael doesn’t like to say it out loud or in so many words, but he loves being the little spoon. He loves cuddling. He craves it like people crave chocolate or something. Simon thinks that some of it might be because he hasn’t had a decent hug in decades, but Simon also knows that Raphael loves him. Loves having his arms around him. He likes it when Simon nuzzles into his neck, or the top of his head like a puppy. Raphael always laughs at that, but it’s not mean, it’s happy laughter. One of Simon’s favourite noises to hear. At the moment, they lay in silence trying to fall asleep as the sun rises outside._

_“Simon?” Raphael whispers ever so quietly._

_“Yeah?” Simon says groggily with a yawn._

_“I love you.”_

_“Love you, too.”_

_Raphael smiles, the sound of those words coming from Simon never getting old. “I love you, mi sol, and I want us to… I want us to have forever.”_

_Simon freezes at the words. He’s heard Lily talk about it before, finding someone, a partner to spend forever with. It’s a big deal for vampires. They like to mate for life, their immortal lives. It’s a really big deal, and Simon’s only known Raphael for less than a year. How can he commit to something like that? Besides, he’s- He’s not ready. So when Raphael calls his name gently, Simon pretend to have fallen asleep. He forces his rigid body to relax. A few minutes later Raphael falls asleep, too._

_Simon is left staring at the far wall, the sound of rain all around him as he thinks about ‘forever.’_

_< >~<>~<>_

“Raphael.” Simon says, his hand resting on his chest. “I-”

 Tears start to form in eyes again, but he holds them down as the memories surface. Everything. Getting their dog, saying ‘I love you’ of the first time, the marathons of Doctor Who that Raphael sat through with him, playing checkers, vampire meetings, everything. It plays in Simon’s mind like a broken record. A broken record he’s incredibly angry and happy that it’s broken. He remembers all of the smiles, all of the soft kisses and the feel of their arms around each other. He remembers it all. For as long as he lives, he knows he’ll remember. He wants more though, he needs more, and they need more.

 Simon leans in close to Raphael, up to his ear, and whispers, “Fight, for me, please, we- Me too, Raph. Do you hear me? Me too. I want forever with you, too. Me too.”

<>~<>~<>

_“It’s Uh- It’s very nice. Yeah, nice.” Simon says as he walks into the bedroom. “Very old Victorian.”_

_Raphael stares at him a few seconds longer then says, “It’s your room now.”_

_Raphael turns to leave but Simon stops him by asking, “Where’s yours? Where- Where is your room? I only ask because I’ve been having trouble sleeping and I- Sometimes I see Camille kill you and it’s awful and I- I just- Sometimes I call you to see if you’re still alive. Which is why I’ve been calling you in the middle of the day. Which I’m totally sorry about, Raph, but this way if I could just check on you, I-”_

_“Simon.” Raphael says, stopping his rambling. “Everything is going to be fine.”_

_Raphael walks over slowly, resting his hand on Simon’s shoulder. He rubs up and down gently, trying to look into Simon’s eyes. “Look at me, Simon.”_

_Simon looks up, afraid._

_“Everything is going to be fine. This is your home now. Camille is dead. We’ll protect you. I’ll protect you, okay?”_

_Simon nods his head._

_“Good.” Raphael says, smiling slightly. “Now get cleaned up. You need to drink.”_

_“Okay. Yeah, okay.”_

_“Hey.” Raphael says gently, as he gently moves Simon’s head up with his hand to face him again. “If you have any more nightmares, come find me.”_

_Raphael’s hand gently cups his jaw, then his cheek, almost like it’s out of his control. Abruptly he takes his hand away, realizing the intimacy of the touch. He then starts to walk out of the room, telling Simon to hurry and get changed over his shoulder._

_Simon stares at Raphael’s retreating chest, feeling the phantom race of his heart when he develops a new crush._

_“Rule number seven of becoming a vampire,” Simon says under his breath as he looks for a clean shirt, “Don’t fall in love with your vampire boss- Clan leader- person! Absolutely do not let yourself fall in love with him.”_

_< >~<>~<>_

 “I love you, Raphael, I love how grumpy you get and I love that weird mole you have, which is adorable and funny even though you don’t think it is.” Simon says as he strokes Raphael’s hair. “I love you that protect all of us in the Clan with your life. I love that you hold me when I’m scare. I love when I get to hold you, because even though you won’t admit it, I know you get scared too. And I love that you don’t pretend to be something else. You’re always you. And I love you. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone.”

 Simon closes his eyes as he leans over and kisses him on his cheek. He then pulls back, eyes still closed as he feels another phantom touch on his hand. A light brush of fingers. It almost makes him start crying again. But he remembers and reminds himself that it’s just a phantom touch. It means nothing, it’s only a memory.

“Hey, Simon.” Alec says as he opens the door, quietly. “Magnus wanted me to remind you that you should eat now.”

 Simon looks to Alec, uncertain about leaving Raphael. “Can you ask him to bring it here? I- I have to stay with him, you understand of course, he can’t be alone. He doesn’t like feeling alone.”

“I’ll stay with him.” Alec offers. “You need to go eat.”

 Simon looks up at him for a few moments longer, then nods his head. He kind of had to go to the bathroom anyway. And Alec will stay with him. He’s the kind of person that believes in honour and that his word is everything. Like some medieval knight. Simon always thought that was cool, but right now as he walks out of the room he’s very grateful for it. He’ll be back in a few minutes. He’ll hardly be gone at all.

 Alec watches as Simon leaves the room, the door shutting behind him. Once he’s gone he turns his attention to the Raphael. They never really got along that well, but they were kind of friends. He means so much to Magnus, how could they not be civil for his sake. Plus he’s dating his sister’s girlfriend’s best friend. So there’s another reason. Also the fact that he’s the head of the Institute and has to be diplomatic. But despite all of that, they understood each other on some level. Both not being good at words and protecting those they care about at all costs. They had that in common. They both could understand each in that retrospect, on some level.

 Alec looks over at Raphael, his arm is out from under the blanket. Alec’s eyes scrunch together in confusion before saying under his breath, “Huh.”

 He shakes his head slightly, moving Raphael’s arm back under the blanket. It’s nothing. Simon must have bumped him.

_< >~<>~<>_

_“Hey, Clary, how have you been?” Simon asks as he walks over to her couch and sits down across from her. “You like the new place? I think it’s pretty great, I mean, better than an old crypt hotel.”_

_Clary laughs. “It’s not that bad Simon. It’s very fancy. Besides, you know you can always stay here if you need to.”_

_“I know. And we could make pillow forts and eat microwave smores- or well, I can’t anymore. But you could and I could watch. Which sounds weird but when I watch people eat now I can still taste that food almost. Food used to be so good, I miss that. Now everything just makes me want to barf.”_

_“Oh, Simon. I know it sucks, but look on the bright side, you now don’t have to ask me to open pickle jars anymore. What with your super strength and everything.”_

_“Come on, Clary, when have I ever got you to open a pickle jar for me? Luke, yes, but you? Nah.” Simon says, jokingly._

_“Right, my mistakes.” Clary says as she picks up her glass of water and takes a sip. “So what’s new? Is Raphael helping you train and learn all your new spider abilities?”_

_“Clary, I’m more like Superman.”_

_Clary laughs and Simon joins in._

_“Seriously.” Clary insists. “It’s been so long.  What with the war and moving into this new house. Really becoming a Shadowhunter, you a vampire. You have to admit Simon we’ve fallen out of our old routine. I miss you.”_

_“Aw, Clary, I’ve missed you, too.” Simon says with sincerity. “It’s been cool, I guess. Raphael is pretty cool. He’s shown me how to run and use my super hearing, so that’s been great. I know can eavesdrop on those two ladies at the meat market who were always pointing at me when I walked in. You remember that? Anyway, he also gave me my own room and when I have nightmares lets me sleep in his bed, but there’s also Lily and Carlos. They’re pretty cool, I think you’d get along with Carlos more. He’s-”_

_“Woah, wait.” Clary says, her hand up. “Sleeping in the same bed?”_

_“Yeah, well, he does it with all of his new fledglings or whatever. It’s not a big deal. We apparently always get nightmares. Something to do with the new blood in our veins or something…” Simon trails off._

_“Simon, that’s kind of serious. Did he say he sleeps with all of his new fledglings or whatever?”_

_“Well, no, but I mean-”_

_“Simon, I think he has a crush on you.” Clary says with a knowing smile._

_“What? No. No, no, no. He- he wouldn’t have a crush on me! Cool, mysterious, handsome Raphael having a crush on me? Simon Lewis? No. No way. You got it all wrong, Clary. He made a promise to you, that’s why.” Simon reasons._

_“Okay. Whatever you say, Simon.”_

_“He doesn’t have a crush on me!”_

_“Who doesn’t have a crush on you?” Jocelyn asks as she walks into the living room. “Simon, do you have a boyfriend and didn’t tell me.”_

_“No. No! Clary’s just making assumptions out of nothing.” Simon tries to say._

_“This is about Raphael, isn’t it?”_

_“Oh my G-” Simon cuts himself off, still not used to saying ‘God’ yet. “Does everyone think Raphael has a crush on me? Mr. Grrrrrrr, I will kill you if you cross me? Grumpy pants with his cool hair and suits? Him? A crush on me? No. No.”_

_“Simon.” Clary says, in her ‘I’m right voice’ Simon notes. “When has my mom ever been wrong?”_

_Jocelyn moves her head as if to say, ‘she’s right, you know.’_

_“Fine!” Simon says, exasperated. “He has a crush on me. Maybe. Probably not. The important thing is that just because I might like him doesn’t mean there could ever be-”_

_“So you do like him.” Jocelyn says with a knowing smirk._

_Clary smiles, matching her mom’s and says, “Simon you like him, he likes you. Go tell him.”_

_“I- I can’t. You don’t understand Raphael, he’s not like that. He- he doesn’t-”_

_He doesn’t share his feelings. He’s grumpy all of the time and except when he meets Simon at checkers. His old man checkers as Simon likes to call it because the only time he’s ever played checkers before Raphael was with his Zayda. Raphael who holds him when he has nightmares and tells him he’s not alone, that they’ll get through it together. Raphael who protects him from everything, who throws him behind his back. Raphael who fought Camille for him. Raphael who held him for the days afterward when he was still feeling the pain of his maker’s death. Even though he didn’t really have pain for her because he didn’t have dependence. Raphael who says he doesn’t like stuffed animals and yet was holding his teddy bear, Alfred close to his chest one evening… Maybe he is, though, maybe he does. Maybe…_

_“Maybe he does like me.” Simon says suddenly just as his phone rings and Jocelyn says, “Hallelujah.”_

_Simon takes his phones out of his pocket, the ringtone of Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ playing. Some kind of dare from Carlos._

_“Hello?” Simon says as he holds the phone up to his ear._

_“Hello, Sherman.” Magnus’s voice is all knowing as ever._

_“Magnus? Is everything okay? Is Raphael-”_

_“He’s fine, Sellian, well not fine, fine. But fine/ Anywho, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”_

_“Okay…? Simon says, confused._

_“Don’t sound so confused, Sheldon, I have a plan.” Magnus says with certainty laced in his voice._

_“What plan?”_

_“A plan to make Raphael admit his feelings to you, of course.”_

_Simon smiles then laughs. Magnus starts getting snarky, asking why he thinks this is a joking matter._

_“I’m sorry- I’m sorry! It’s just I did finally realized I like him. I was about to just go tell him. And don’t worry, Magnus, he’ll tell me if he does. I know he will.”_

_“Ever the optimist.”_

_And that, Simon Lewis is, indeed._

_< >~<>~<>_

_“What a lovely couple you both are.” The older lady says as Simon and Raphael sit across from her on another park bench._

_It’s late at night, but Raphael and Simon had woken up a few hours earlier. Simon wanted to go to the park. He told Raphael he misses the grass and the trees. He misses feeling the cool breeze on his face. He misses the park benches and the birds, and friendly people like this lady, who sometimes and just watch nature. Simon never understood how they could sit still and just watch, but now he does._

_“Thank you, ma’am.” Raphael says politely as his hand tightens around Simon’s._

_Simon gives him an encouraging smile when Raphael looks his way, he knows how nervous Raphael is being out in public. He’s never been with a guy this way. In a way that’s not behind closed doors. Raphael grew up in a different time, where being different was awful. It still is a lot, but it’s a little better, too._

_Simon leans up and kisses Raphael on the cheek, resting his head on his shoulder before looking to the older lady and saying, “He’s a little grump, sometimes, but I love him.”_

_The lady smiles. “I know what you mean, dear. My late Henry, God rest his soul, was a quiet man. He seemed so grumpy to the rest of the world, but in truth he was a sweetheart and loved so well. He- well we always wanted children, but I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be. Not that we were ever lonely for it. In those times, if you couldn’t have kids, you couldn’t have kids. We never even considered adoption. But I’m sure you boys have.”_

_“Oh.” Simon says with an awkward laugh as he feels Raphael tense up. “No. I mean- I’ve always wanted to have kids, too, but we haven’t talked about it. It’s not really possible- Besides we’re happy with just us. But we have a dog! His names Pogo and we’re kind of his parents, so I guess we are parents?”_

_“Aw, well, that’s very sweet, dear. I myself have two cats. One is Rodger, he’s an angry one, but he warms up to you in due time. He likes to catch mice and loves those little cat nibble treats. He also loves when I stroke down his back. I got him when Henry was still with us, but after he passed away I was lonely so I got another one. Besides pet shouldn’t be left alone. They need other that are like them to understand. So I got Patricia who is the cuddliest one of them all. She is a sweetheart and loves cat naps. I always find her curled up behind the dryer. I think she may even be pregnant, but who knows? I don’t know if I could take care of any kittens. We’ll just have to wait and see. What about you both? I feel as though I’m prattling on here. Tell me about your dog, are you going to get anymore pets, perhaps?”_

_“We haven’t talked about that.” Raphael says. “I wasn’t sure about the first dog.”_

_“Pogo is his name, right?” The lady asks._

_“Yes.”_

_“Lovely name. Did you choose it?”_

_“No, Simon did.” Raphael says, looking down at him._

_The lady smiles, making awing noises. Simon smiles too and says, “I’d like another dog. I don’t think Pogo should be all alone, but it’s Raphael’s decision. We have roommates so we have to remember them in all of this. It is our dog, but it’s more like all of our dog. Everyone loves Pogo.”_

_“They do?” Raphael asks._

_“Yeah, Raph, of course they do. When’s the last time anyone there has had a pet? Pets are good. They make you happy. Haven’t you ever had a pet growing up?”_

_“Oh, now, dears, don’t fight.” The lady says. “It’s okay to disagree, but never fight. The last time I saw Henry we fought like wild animals. He wanted to move to Florida in an old folk’s home as they call it. I of course did not want to go. Everyone I know is here, friends and the one sister, Gloria who is still with us… The next day I woke up and he was laying there, his heart had stopped working. The last thing I said to him was ‘I don’t trust your judgment.’ I meant houses, not everything, but it will haunt me until the day I die and meet him again in Heaven.”_

_“I’m sorry, ma’am.” Raphael says, beating Simon to saying something._

_“It wasn’t you’re doing, dear, but I must be going.” She says as she stands. “It was nice meeting you boys. Good luck with everything.”_

_“You, too!” Simon says. “And thank you.”_

_Simon brings Raphael’s arm closer to his chest, snuggling in._

_“Don’t say it.” Raphael says._

_“Say what?” Simon says cheekily._

_Raphael glares and Simon laughs._

_“Okay. I won’t, but Raph-”_

_“We’re not getting another dog or cat.”_

_“You’re no fun.” Simon says, pouting. “I’m going to make a petition.”_

_This time Raphael laughs and leans over, kissing the top of his head. His hand goes to his hair, petting it softly. His arm that’s wrapped around Simon, tightens._

_“I love you.” Raphael whispers._

_“I know you do.” Simon says with a teasing smile. “I love you, too. But let’s try not to fight, just in case?”_

_“Just in case.” Raphael agrees easily, leaning down to leave a kiss on Simon’s cheek this time. “Just in case, mi amour.”_


End file.
